Only December by Noelle Adams

Author:Noelle Adams [Adams, Noelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Two hours later, I’ve cleaned up, showered, changed into fleece pajamas, and talked to Quince on the phone for forty-five minutes.

I should be ready for bed, but I’m not.

My brain won’t settle. Neither will my heart.

Despite the logic of my suggestion at the end of the evening with Douglas, it doesn’t feel like I’m being safe or mature or reasonable.

It feels like I’m running.

It feels like I’m retreating.

And I’m certain Douglas recognizes it too.

I get in bed. Toss and turn for fifteen minutes. Review every single thing that happened this evening. Imagine every single thing that should have followed.

So then my body is as unsettled as the rest of me, and there’s only one thing I can do about it.

I’ll never sleep. Never rest. Never find the peace and composure I’m used to going through life with.

I can’t let this be my answer.

So I get out of bed and walk down the long hall to Douglas’s bedroom. With no shame and no hesitation, I knock on the door.

He must not have been sleeping either because I hear the creak of furniture and then his footsteps on the old wood floors. The door to his room swings open.

He’s wearing pajamas too—the old-fashioned style with a button-up top in a thin dark blue fabric. His face is sober as he looks at me over the threshold.

“I didn’t… I didn’t like how it ended between us earlier. The truth is I don’t want any time to think. I know what I want. I want to be with you all the way. Not forever. I know that’s not going to happen. But for this month. All the way. And I understand if you’re not there or if you’re not ready. But if you are, if you’re where I am, I’m ready. Now. Or whenever.”

His eyes widen and his lips part slightly as he stares at me.

He clearly wasn’t expecting this.

Flushed all the way down my throat, I add, “You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s weird to show up at your bedroom and announce that I want to have sex with you. I’ll understand if the answer is no. If it is, just close the door.”

He blinks. Looks down at his hand, which is still wrapped around the doorknob.

Then he steps back. Shifts his position.

Opens the bedroom door all the way.

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